It Isn’t Easy

Well, I started this blog because I needed somewhere to go that is safe, somewhere I can just be real about my thoughts and feelings, because in all honestly I can bet that everyone in my life who ISN’T a step parent is getting pretty tired of it…. So I apologize if this isn’t the ” Typical ” blog.

If anyone has said being a step-parent or a ” bonus parent ” is easy they are LYING! I have never felt a harder battle then this one. I am an adult and I feel like I’m back in high-school ( no offence to the high schoolers reading this, if any ). All I want to do is scream in her face and tell her all the things we know about her, or have on her but what example would that be for the kids? So instead I bite my tongue, and usually end up crying into my pillow due to frustration. Let me paint you a picture of what it was like just starting to date their dad…

So we started dating not long after him and their mother had broken up, now if this was a scoring sheet I would be starting in the negative 100’s. He got them on the weekends, and spent the weeks at her house. Now when they were at her house nothing nice was ever said about me so that’s what they are coming into this relationship with. A very negative picture of what I am like… so yeah they really didn’t like me in the beginning. They are just little ( 2 and 4) so their minds are manipulated easier than 1,2,3. When we got the kids I tried my HARDEST to get them to approve of me, because well I know that if my child didn’t approve of him then our relationship wouldn’t have worked out. ( thank goodness my child accepted him ) Where was I? Oh yes, So we got them every weekend and they had a hard time enjoying their time with me because mom has already made me out to be the evil one. We had the usual fights ” you’re not my mom, my mom said I don’t have to listen to you” etc. That only made things more difficult as you can imagine…  Fast forward about 6 months and BAM I got their approval. Sitting on my lap, telling me they love me, I even got to the point where they asked if they could call me mom. YAY! I work hard to have a happy balance because ONE time I get mad at them and bam I could be starting over. The kids must have told her that they wanted to start calling me mom because when they came back to our house it was a whole different ball game. They corrected themselves when the called me mom, they became defiant and rude. So its obvious that she had said a bunch of nasty things when they told her about them calling me mom, aaaaand I’m back to square one but not quite in the minuses.

I’m not going to sit here and just bitch about the past because that was quite a few months ago, I just wanted to paint you a tiny picture of the back and forth game she thinks she is playing but in reality she is only hurting the kids by trying to make my life hard. Jealously is a sickness get well soon 😉

So what made me want to start this blog was because I feel very alone, I moved to this new city knowing NO-ONE for his kids, well in this city she lives also, we see each other at school, the arena, Christmas concerts, school functions. She makes my blood boil because the kids just LOVE her because there is no discipline in her house, always candy staying up late on school nights, toys when they come back from dads house. She is their friend above being a parent. And I have to sit here and be the ” step monster ” in their eyes because I make them eat veggies ( God forbid right? ) I make them go to bed at a decent time on a school night, and I limit their candy because one of them already has tooth decay…

She should just be glad he found someone who loves his kids, because there are LOTS of step moms out there who want NOTHING to do with the kids….

Anyways, that’s my rant about being a step mom on a bad day… and what started this bad day? We went back to the ” you’re not my mom I don’t have to listen to you ” stage.

I started the day with a broken heart and in the negatives and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it at this moment.. aside from the obvious punishment.

So yes all I’ve got right now is being a step mom is hard… it is soooo hard and defeating all the time.